


I’m Sorry

by darknightskye



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Confessions, Feelings, First Kiss, Fix-It, Fluff, M/M, be nice to ryuji 2018, so spoilers, takes place after the 7th palace, the palace really messes with them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-06-14 06:55:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15383169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darknightskye/pseuds/darknightskye
Summary: A lack of reactions leads to missed opportunities realized. It may be too late for those, but the present always has a way of correcting things.





	I’m Sorry

“Why don’t we all grab a bite to eat?”

 

Ren wasn’t even listening to Haru’s suggestion. Not paying attention to anything; he was just there. In front of the Diet Building.

 

All of them were there.

 

_All of them._

 

Ryuji was sitting against a light pole— _alive_. Perfectly fine, save for the slaps from the girls (seriously guys? He almost dies and this.) Ren couldn’t really do anything; he was just there.

 

Shocked maybe? That would probably best describe it. Frozen. That’s better. Couldn’t feel like he was breathing, but hyperventilating at the same time. About to pass out, but with enough energy to personally punch Shido in the face.

 

“Yeah! I want foie gras!” Futaba shouted, met with laughter from the rest of the Thieves.

 

“You do know this isn’t the Metaverse, right?” Makoto killed that thought immediately. “How about we go to the diner instead?”

 

Deciding no better ideas would be had— everywhere else would be closed by now— the group made their way towards the subway station.

 

Most of the group; Ren was still behind. With Ryuji still against the pole.

 

“ _Now‘s no time to freeze,_ ” Ren thought to himself; picking at his fingers (no gloves to fiddle with.)

 

No time to freeze.

 

Taking initiative, Ren held a hand out in front of Ryuji; still on the ground.

 

“Thanks, man.” Taking Ren’s hand, Ryuji was yanked up. Shooting a small smile his way.

 

Not his usual bright smile, Ren noted. Understandable, but it still bothered Ren. You could always feel the warmth from Ryuji’s smiles.

 

“Of course. Come on, we have to catch up with everyone.”

 

“Oh, yeah— uh. I think I might just head home.” Definitely not a good sign. “Pretty tired, almost dying and shit.”

 

Followed by a hollow laugh.

 

The diner could wait; Ren had to take care of this first. Tired was just a lie.

 

“Ryuji. You know you’re my best friend, right?”

 

That caught him off guard. Ryuji was always predictable when it came to body language (or maybe Ren was just good at noticing those things.) Like how Ryuji rubbed the back of his neck when he was embarrassed; or clenched his fists when he had to bite his tongue, stay out of trouble.

 

Noticing these things had to be normal.

 

“Dude— RenRen.” Eight months, and still the name. “‘Course I freaking know that. How come?”

 

“I know you’re not tired. So, I have a proposal. You and I just go to Leblanc, relax, talk about it if you want. Stay over too?”

 

At that Ryuji’s eyebrows shot up; guilt washing over his face.

 

“Really, dude. I don’t wanna bother you or nothin’, it’s—“

 

“Not fine.” It was Ren’s turn to lean against the light pole, arms crossed. “You know it’s not a bother at all, plus I’ll make us cocoa. Too cold.” Winter was the worst. “Can you really say no to that?”

 

This laugh sounded genuine. That was good.

 

“Prolly not. But yeah— yeah. Sounds good.” A non-hollow smile too. “What do we tell the others though?”

 

“Well, I can just say I didn’t want to be spotted.”

 

“Dude, you’re like a literal dead man walking. I mean it sucks, super sucks. But it sounds freaking cool.”

 

Ren couldn’t help but laugh at that one.

 

“Yeah, it does really suck though. Having to cover up and all too? Gross.”

 

“Totally, I mean if anyone involved in this shit recognizes you? Yikes.”

 

“Exactly, plus— my pretty face is covered by this stupid hood. And it makes my hair more messy.”

 

“Tragic,” The neck rub. “But c’mon, we should prolly get going. Don’t want anyone to recognize your pretty face, yeah?”

 

He was probably just playing along, it meant nothing.

 

“Yeah, the train will be here in a bit—“ He heard a hiss of pain from Ryuji, stretching out his legs. “Are you okay to walk? We can take a minute if you want.”

 

And that was met with a swatting of the hand: “No, no, no!”

 

Unsurprising, but Ren wouldn’t push. It usually made Ryuji feel worse.

 

“Really,” Ryuji wore the same smile as before. The hollow one. “I’m good, let’s go.”

 

“ _Neither of us are really good, but sure._ ” Of course Ren would never let that mentality; only offering a smile and an arm to lean on.

  


* * *

 

 

To no surprise Leblanc was empty. With a quick check of the time, made sense. Almost midnight.

 

Their lies had held up too (little white ones. It was fine.) Everyone agreed that laying low would be best for Ren; Ryuji pulling the tired card again, everyone understanding.  

 

Well, the almost _died_ tired card. In all fairness, he could play that card all he wanted. Just thinking about it again— it gave Ren chills. He could only imagine how Ryuji was feeling.

 

But that’s why they were there, calm down and talk. It had to help at least a little.

 

“Yo, RenRen. I can borrow some clothes, yeah?” Ryuji was at the bottom of the staircase, about to make his way up.

 

“Yeah, take whatever you want. Even the black shirt.”

 

“ _The_ shirt? You’d like, die for that thing. You sure?”

 

Behind the counter, prepping two mugs for cocoa; Ren just shrugged.

 

“Rough day, it’s comfortable. Go ahead. I don’t mind.”

 

How would he describe the look Ryuji gave him.

 

Ren didn’t even know— it wasn’t warm like the smile. It was something more. It made his cheeks hot; what did he even do that was so special? Just a shirt. Ryuji deserved it after everything today.

 

“Thanks, Ren.”

 

And now he couldn’t even look him in the eyes; focusing on the whistling kettle instead.

 

“Anything to help. I’ll be up in a second.”

 

With a sigh, Ren was careful in pouring the water. Hearing the familiar creak of the steps fade away.

 

Ryuji almost died today— everyone thought he was gone. Maybe he was just being sentimental? It would make sense; almost dying, treating everything special.

 

A night with your best friend, after almost dying? It made sense; the look was nothing. Pretty face, nothing.

 

Cocoa made, kettle cleaned.

 

Enough thinking for tonight, it was tiring.

 

Like talking would be any better.

 

Carefully grabbing the mugs, Ren made his way up the stairs: no spills! Third time in a row. Maybe cafés were his calling.

 

“Duude, that smells so freaking good!” Ryuji was lounging on the couch, already changed. Not paying much attention to the TV. “Gimme, gimme. I’m freezing.”

 

Setting the mugs down on the end table next to the couch, Ren pointed his attention to the heater. Probably malfunctioning again. It could be fixed easily.

 

Giving it a quick once over, usual corner of the room; yeah, easy. Ren gave it a kick on the side, trying the power button again.

 

Fixed.

 

“That should be better,” He could already feel a bit warmer, taking a seat on the couch next to Ryuji. Immediately being handed a mug. “Thanks.”

 

“I mean— thanks to you too for making it. And thanks for letting me stay over.” Half of Ryuji’s mug was emptied with one sip.

 

Screw coffee, cocoa was where it was at. (Tonight at least.) Taking a sip himself— Ren killed it. Perfect for this weather.

 

“Of course, today was rough. I could tell something was up.”

 

Ryuji had already abandoned his mug on the end table. Empty? Ren should really stay a barista forever.

 

“Uh, yeah. That was,” Turning towards Ren, his legs up on the couch; hugging his knees close. Again, the usual warmth was gone. Deep set frown instead. “It was intense I guess. Plus I didn’t realize it’d freak you guys out. And— yeah, it was just a lot. Sorry.”

 

Sorry?

 

Sorry about freaking them out.

 

Why couldn’t he ever think about himself for once.  He had no reason to be sorry— if anything the Thieves should be. Maybe they could have found another way out of the palace? The whole situation could have been avoided.

 

And Ren was their leader. If anything, he should have been the one to sacrifice—

 

“Ren? Ren, you good?”

 

A hand on his shoulder, Ryuji closer; legs now crossed.

 

None of this was good.

 

“No, but let’s table that. Why are you sorry? You’re the reason everyone was able to make it back.”

 

“I know, but everyone was all sad ‘n shit. Then just got mad, y’know? And honestly just— shit, dude. I don’t even know, I guess it kinda felt shitty? So I’m just sorry.”

 

“Ryuji…”

 

“But, hey! Everyone’s good, I’m good. My cheeks just hurt, Ann slaps freaking _hard_.” The ring mark on his cheek was proof.

 

“That was pretty fucked up.”

 

Just a shrug from Ryuji.

 

“At least it’s a reaction, yeah?”

 

A dig at Ren? Based on his tone, probably. Shit.

 

“I’m assuming you’re talking about me now.”

 

“Little bit,” Ryuji couldn’t be that mad if he took Ren’s now empty mug. “I mean, shit— that made me kinda sound like an asshole, huh?” Looking away from Ren. “I just don’t know if I freaked you out the most, which I’d feel real bad about. Or if you were okay, which would also make me feel like shit. So— yeah! Yeah. Sorry.”

 

“I felt like I couldn’t breath,” Ryuji went stiff at that; about to throw in another sorry. “When I saw you were okay I felt like I was going to pass out. I was so relieved. I couldn’t really move; then I saw the others all go to you, I thought they would all just hug you. I wanted to and didn’t— I’m sorry too.”

 

Hugging on the couch was awkward, but it was definitely needed.

 

Ryuji laid his head on Ren’s shoulder, snaking an arm around his waist. Uncomfortable but functional.

 

A quiet understanding.

 

“I get it, man. Don’t worry.”

 

Honestly, Ren couldn’t help but worry.

 

Leading the Thieves was already stressful enough. Getting arrested, escaping, and trying to change the heart of the most powerful political figure in the country? Even worse.

 

But none of the Thieves had ever come that close to death. Well…

 

They couldn’t save Akechi; Ren still felt guilty about that.

 

Losing someone else? That would just break the Thieves. And it would break Ren; the Thieves had all saved him (they had all saved each other.) Finding people who didn’t judge him was a miracle.

 

People who actually gave a shit, who dealt with the same garbage hand at life. Ren loved the Thieves. They were his best friends.

 

He loved Ann, Morgana, Yusuke, Makoto, Futaba, Haru— everyone.

 

And Ryuji. His constant sunshine.

 

Ren planted a small kiss in the mess of blond. His own way of apologizing for everything.

 

“Thanks.”

 

“Hey,” He was looking up at Ren now. Warm smile back. “You wanna know something?”

 

Maybe the kiss was a bit much, too much had happened already. Why add that to the mix, he really should have thought it through.

 

“Sure.”

 

“I was kinda hoping that— shit. Y’know,” Moving away, he was doing the neck rub. “You’d react like that.”

 

Okay on second thought, maybe he did mean everything earlier.

 

And now Ren felt the heat on his face again. Definitely not the shitty heater’s fault.

 

A laugh from Ryuji.

 

“Dude— your face is so red! And I thought I’d be bad,” He was definitely faring better. Smiling ear to ear. How. “Sorry, sorry.”

 

“First off, don’t be sorry. Second. You’re saying, just to be clear; you wanted me to kiss you?”

 

Not faring better anymore; Ryuji grabbed the nearest pillow, immediately burying his face. Muffled voice saying;

 

“It sounds lame when you say it out loud like that!”

 

“Anything you say sounds lame,” Ryuji was quick to abandon the pillow, chucking it at Ren (who didn’t dodge.) “Sorry, perfect opportunity.”

 

“You’re the worst, man.” Smile still on his face; obviously not the worst.

 

“I know. But something you may not have known;” He wouldn’t have another opportunity like this, would he? “I would have kissed you way before that.”

 

The quiet returned. Ryuji’s mouth agape.

 

It didn’t last long, Ryuji figuratively exploding:

 

“What the ‘eff! Are you for real? Are you a hundred percent for real?”

 

Ren simply replied with a nod; Ryuji rolling his eyes, slumping back into the couch.

 

“Holy _shit_ , man. Why’s it always near death experiences that make us talk like this? Like right after we first met, giving each other our freakin’ life stories.”

 

“We’re just so drained we say whatever?”

 

“Sounds scientific enough,” Ryuji took hold of another pillow, burying his face again. “Y’know I was gonna tell you after the whole plan. Kinda chickened out.”

 

A few days after Ren had escaped the interrogation room Ryuji spent the whole day with him. Brought games, manga, snacks— everything. Thinking back, it did make sense.

 

Ryuji ended up questioning Ren about dating, moving back home; all that stuff. Of course he found it odd at the time. Now knowing his plan—

 

Oh. Thinking back to it, Ren was somewhat asleep by the time Ryuji left. But he remembered:

 

“You just sat there for a while, holding my hand.” Ryuji abandoned the pillow for a second, “Whispering about how you were sorry I was all messed up— beat up, drugged. That you wanted to beat up everyone involved.”

 

Head buried in the pillow again. So it wasn’t a fever dream.

 

“I thought you were asleep!”

 

“I never sleep, sorry.”

 

“You send me shit at like 4 in the morning, trust me I know.”

 

“Isn’t that true love though? You always open anything as soon as I send it.”

 

“True love?!” This time the pillow was abandoned for good, pushed to the ground as Ryuji perked up. Smile still there against heated cheeks. “I love you too, man.”

 

Love?

 

He definitely said it.

 

And it was true— true at least for Ren. But Ryuji now too?

 

Today really took a complete 180.

 

Ryuji leaned in towards Ren, hand on his shoulder. Ren facing him again, leaning in; their lips meeting.

 

Quiet back once more. A quiet, peaceful understanding.

 

It was perfect.

 

Separating for air, they both wore the warm smile. Hands finding each other intertwined; Ren leaning against Ryuji’s shoulder.

 

“Hopefully one of us won’t have to almost die just to go on a date.”

 

“Reeen,” He wasn’t looking, but he could feel Ryuji’s eyeroll. “I’m so freaking sorry I chickened out before. We coulda had like, a month of this.”

 

A quick peck on Ryuji’s cheek.

 

“Not another sorry tonight, you didn’t do anything wrong. Everything’s fine now.”

 

“Yeah— yeah. Sorry. Wait, shit!”

 

Ren couldn’t help but laugh; Ryuji joining in.

 

“I’m sorry too, Ryuji. I should have told you months ago.”

 

“Months?!”

 

Perfect reaction; he’d never let Ren live that down would he? Pulling him in, Ren gave Ryuji another kiss. Had to make up for lost time somehow.

 

The two parted, Ryuji smiling and bubbling with laughter; spread to Ren. Struggling to say between laughs:

 

“I’m sorry.”

**Author's Note:**

> so, i finally finished p5 on monday and cried my eyes out  
> small fixit, ill fight atlus 
> 
> lookout for more stuff soon, in this house we treat ryuji good 
> 
>  
> 
> twitter: @ vsoftpunk  
> tumblr: @ dark-night-skye


End file.
